cat vs dog

THE DOG'S DIARY:

8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing! 

9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing! 

9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 

10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing! 

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! 

THE CAT'S DIARY:

  

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Fools! 

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of allergies. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.