what's the use of a policy agenda booklet?

星期六早上，你應該好夢正酣吧？我卻要一大早回到辦公室聽電話。天底下有沒有更無聊的差事？

天氣冷了，早上特別捨不得離開暖乎乎的被窩，掙扎了良久才起來。

現在已經這樣子，渣打馬拉松那天怎麼辦？五點多在維園出發呵！我發了甚麼神經呢？

便宜

類似的電話想必你也收過吧 －

「小姐，為左多謝你之前同我地訂閱 XX 周刊，我地而家會送返一隻兩激既 USB 手指俾一 D 特選客戶，唔知小姐你咩時間方便我地同事拎過黎俾你呀，咁佢順便會同你做一D風險管理既分析既......」

一般遇上這種情況我會找個藉口態度決絕地讓對方知難而退不再糾纏，不過，這次我想，OK，你想 sell 投資產品，我是打定主意不會做甚麼供款投資基金之類的了，不過反正我不擅理財，一聽無妨，而且聽完之後可以多一隻手指用，也挺化算的。

貪小便宜的心態，其實和上寶藥黨當的阿毛差不多。也有點捉狹的成份在內。

結果，為了一隻 2GB 的 USB 手指，在午飯時候和一個衣著光鮮行頭刺眼的 financial planner 聊了45 分鐘。

一坐下來，我已經帶笑把那通電話的內容約略說說，然後扮無知問他的來意，和那公司是甚麼關係。潛台詞是 －你們是怎樣私相授受取得我的聯絡資料的？

他說 － 呵，其實我地知道小姐你有同呢間公司訂開雜誌，咁我地既對象呢，就主要係一D中產人士......

「中產人士？我唔係喎！」忍不住搶白。

他帶點尷尬地笑笑。我又覺得自己好像太不客氣，只不過我真係唔中產丫嘛～

有趣的是，為甚麼訂閱某些刊物會被視作中產的象徵呢？而這位仁兄，其實連我訂的是那一本雜誌都不清楚。如果訂的是係 Jessica，又有幾中產呢？當然看 Jessica 的人也可以很中產，只是並無必然關係吧。

也許不必深究。Perhaps they are just desperate.

Anyway，出於禮貌，總得讓他入正題。而繼續聊下去，言談間無可避免透露了很多連朋友都未必清楚的私事。而我是一個極重視隱私的人。

不過，最可惡的是，後來為了趕在 lunch hour 結束前全身而退，我竟然匆忙得忘了跟他拿那隻手指！！！

雙方都無功而回。白浪費時間。

報摘

安裕周記﹕啐他一口唾沫

(明報)11月16日 星期日 05:05

【明報專訊】不要臉到像陳水扁    這個樣子也實在太罕見了，在近代中國史裏，只有民國年間的宋子文有陳水扁的七八成。一九四七年，傅斯年先生在《世紀評論》打響討宋第一炮，在《這個樣子的宋子文非走開不可》長文裏，後來擔任台灣    大學校長的傅先生是這樣寫的﹕「我真憤慨極了，一如當年我在參政會要與孔祥熙在法院見面一樣，國家吃不消他了，人民吃不消他了，他真該走了，不走一切垮了。」

宋子文是誰？是一些人說「母儀天下」的蔣宋美齡的哥哥，是中華民國還在大陸時的財政部長和外交部長，是美國    總統杜魯門氣得大罵「他們都是賊，個個都他媽的是賊（They're thieves, every damn one of them），他們從我們給蔣介石送去的38億美元    中偷去7.5億美元」的人。

不過，宋子文還知道世界上有禮義廉恥裏的「恥」這事，還不至於四處招搖撞騙說自己是救國救民。宋子文在國民黨    退出大陸後在美國終老，沒有解釋他的財富何來，但也沒有說他歛財是為了反攻大陸復國大計。宋子文知道人民吃他不消，也知道中華民國吃他不消，他不像陳水扁那樣涎着臉說自已是為了台灣人民背負十字架。面對躲在台灣人民後面的陳水扁，人們能夠做的是朝他啐一口唾沫，或一口濃痰。

那天台灣的東森電視台全程直播陳水扁從檢察室移送扣留所的過程，陳水扁高舉扣上手銬的雙手以殉道姿態呈現觀眾眼前那十幾秒，我想起了一個人。李富國是八十年代我在紐約    認識的台灣留學生，他那時是哥倫比亞大學物理系博士候選人，是一個有點邋遢但心裏滿是熱誠的二十七八歲青年。李富國是台灣清華大學    的最頂尖學生，畢業後到軍隊當了兩年少尉排長，再考取中山科學院獎學金到哥大念研究院，大概，當時的台灣政府很期望像李富國這樣的青年學成回台後能夠為台灣的核工業作出貢獻。用大陸文化大革命年代的話來說，李富國是又紅又專﹕學業專業水平精尖，滿腦子反共復國打倒台獨不在話下。

八十年代三種旅美台灣勢力

李富國到紐約後出現了變化，他逐漸和一批思想激進的台獨分子走得很近。儘管我說「走得很近」，但他決不是台獨的一員，李富國只是對台獨運動的理念感到好奇，雖然他是台籍雲林人，家裏也和陳水扁家一樣是務農。八十年代在美國的台灣人分成三類，一是絕對台獨，他們的政治組織台灣人公共事務會（Formosan Association for Public Affairs；FAPA）在國會山莊有一定影響力；一批是溫和革新保台派，追求的是一個更自由民主的台灣；最後是絕對的蔣家支持者，每次開會不僅要掛上青天白日滿地紅旗還要高唱「三民主義，吾黨所宗」的一派。台獨人士的主要根據在西岸，東岸也有一些，後來回到台灣、那時在紐約市立大學的蔡同榮是其中之一。李富國和他的台灣同學極其量是革新保台派；死硬擁蔣派很多是風燭殘年的老人，數量也不多。

八十年代，台灣雖然有一點點的民主，但在今天的尺度而言那只是鳥籠政治下做個樣子，黨外運動是一閃即過，說不上是大氣候，但卻把海外留學生的心都攏在一起。李富國住在哥大研究生宿舍，哥大校園遍及曼哈頓上西城區一百○六街到一百三十幾街這一大塊地區，研究生宿樓是三十年代建造的那種Brown Stone花崗岩房子。有次我去找他聊天，小小的房間內是堆得人高的參考書和吃光了的即食麵空箱，我拉他到百老匯大道和西九十八街交界的蜀湘園吃了一頓愜意的晚飯。李富國那天喝了幾瓶Miller啤酒，半醉說他不想回台灣，因為台灣太沒有自由。

這些話在那個年代對外國人說出來不算是忌諱，對台灣人說卻要小心，留學生裏的職業學生多的是，一個小報告打回台北，小則台灣駐美教育部人員請你去談話，重則像保釣那批一樣，停了你的獎學金停了你的生活津貼停了你的中華民國護照，用劉大任的話說就是「保釣搞得山窮水盡」。留學生圈子不大，誰和誰是職業學生是公開秘密，這所以前兩年我在電視上赫然看到當年一個人所皆知的職業學生領袖在中南海    和胡錦濤    握手那刻，幾乎給嘴裏那口飯噎住便是這個原因。

那時李富國的博士論文有一點點不暢順，常見鬍子不剃雙手插着褲袋上衣鈕扣錯搭的在百老匯大道上漫無目的閒逛，間中在中國大陸學生會組織的活動上見過他，難得的是這個台灣長大的青年對大陸有興趣，謝晉的《衛國軍魂》招待留學生那次，我還遠遠朝他打招呼。不久之後，有人說李富國成了台獨外圍組織的活躍分子；既然是這樣，下場當然是斷糧斷水，前不到村後不到店，三十上下的大男孩由準科學家變成為政治人。那時只覺得李富國這樣做很可惜，這不光是他失去即將到手的博士學位，而是從打從念建國高中以來要當物理學家的理想灰飛煙滅。一九九一年一月底我離美回港，臨行前李富國來我家打邊爐，窗外大雪紛飛，窗內的小圓桌旁的客人說決定放棄學位投身台灣民主化運動，他準備回台參加黨外組織。出門時，我塞給他一本Paul Johnson的Intellectuals。

回港後這些年，李富國這三個字再沒有人提過，上網查台灣高等院校名冊，類似的名字不少，但肯定不是當年那個深度近視的李富國。不知道李富國後來回了台灣沒有，但在美國教書時說過「台灣文字與中國字不一樣」的蔡同榮最後回去了還當上民進黨    大員。大路朝天，各走一邊，人人走的路不盡相同，對於那些曾經丹心一片拋棄所有縱身投入運動洪流的朋友誰都會尊敬，支持台獨擁護統一，起始時都是一顆純潔的心；可是歲月丕變像陳水扁那樣壞了心腸走上歪路的大有人在，名成利就外帶幾百億黑錢，恬不知恥說這些存在私人戶頭裏的巨款是建國基金。難得的是有人仍然堅信陳水扁的建國論，渾忘今年五月前的八年，陳先生擔任總統期間「台灣建國」這四字從未說過出口。

為陪葬掉的理想可惜

中國歷史裏這些不是唯一案例，信膺一種主義一種思想落得國破家亡的不勝枚舉﹕一九七六年前的中國大陸任由毛皇帝無法無天，緣於八億人民以為中南海裏那位湖南教書先生仍是三十年前的「為有犧牲多壯志，敢教日月換新天」。諷刺的是，在蔣介石反共殺共教育下成長的台灣竟然重蹈中共覆轍，也吃狂熱個人崇拜這一套，以為陳水扁這「台灣之子」仍是二十年前黨外運動那個辯材無礙的台灣之子。陳水扁扣押在牢這幾天，台灣傳媒用得最多的字眼是「台灣的悲哀」，我沒有感到悲哀，只是為十七年前寒夜離我而去的李富國和與陳水扁陪葬的那一段理想可惜。

文 安裕

與子偕老

他對出院不久的老伴說：「你身體咁好，一定好長命，到時我實走先過你。」

她說：「我唔捨得你喎。」

14.11.08

Twice to emergency room in 3 days. 

First it was dad. 

Then it was mom. 

Thank heaven both are ok now.

Prof. T

Heard from S today that Professor Tambling is no longer teaching in HKU.

T was one of my favourite lectuers at Arts Faculty.  I enjoyed his lectures very much although his ideas were at times difficult and elusive for me.  It was my fault - my English was pathetic and I was not a diligent student.

Before I took his course I only read a few Chinese literature and heard of several English writers. It was T who showed me the way to world literature.  I wouldn't have known about Pushkin, Dostoyevsky, Emily Dickinson etc. if not for him.  I didn't know it then but I've taken a lot from him and these knowledge is a source of inspiration for me. e.g.,  I've never bothered to explain the name "little stone" before; the idea in fact came from a poem by Dickinson.

Out of curiosity I checked out his lecture notes on internet and found his advice to students - get your own copy of the book you are studying; read and re-read the text as much as you can and as quickly as you can. You should try to read the text before the lectures start - these are very useful but also fundamental for a student.  It goes on to show how inadequate HK students are in general.  These are drawn from his observation of students in HK and these must have been very common among them. I myself made many of these mistakes.  My academic life as an undergraduate student would have been much more fruitful had I taken his advice seriously.  

As for another point on note taking, it's particularly true when I review my copy of "Great Gatsby" (a text used in another course) now - highlighting a text is practically useless, as it is too imprecise, and underling your copy in pen is just embarrassing: you will want to refer to the book again, and then you will be shocked at how naive your earlier notes were!

ginger lily

impossible is nothing

我-報-咗-名-參-加-2-0-0-9-年-的-渣-打-馬-拉-松-哦～～～

10 公里賽啫，唔使驚。

改觀

我的阿太上司, 其實並非一個不近人情的老闆.

譬如說, 有些事情你辦妥當了, 合她的心意, 她不是不賞識的.

不見得會當面誇獎你, 但是語氣和態度跟數個月前判若兩人.

也許只是開始的時候要端端上級的架子.  

後記

窮長者為3元搶《招職》 廢紙跌價要開源 日日港鐵站「開戰」

Related post

bag

我的 accessories，要不極低調，要不極奪目。

Rabeanco 的包包，我有三個，是在出來工作後不同階段買的，很耐用。

我愛煞那不拘小節的造型，和柔軟的質感；既粗獷，又溫柔。

以這樣的品質，(我買的時候)居然不用四位數字，實在化算。

Monsieur Z

我的法文老師，是個很有喜劇細胞的人。

他從不說英語，碰上解釋了幾次我們都搞不清楚的生字，他就用肢體語言去表達那個概念。

有一次練習會話，題目是找公寓，每個人都說說自己的喜好 - 要三房兩廳、要交通方便、要租金便宜、要在市中心、要在郊外......有一個同學說要找一個有浴室和電梯的單位。

Monsieur 深感納罕，說這些設施一般都有的吧你意思是不是要找在電梯裡裝有花灑的，一邊揶揄學生一邊扮在電梯裡洗澡的模樣，令人笑破肚皮。

update

近來忙到一頭煙, 紛紛擾擾, 無暇更新. 

積存了不少起了個頭埋不了尾的文, 恐怕無緣與大家見面了.

希望週末可以偷得浮生半日閒吧.

但今天才星期三呀~

new sofa

好喜歡 Ikea Ektorp 這條 line.


心水其實是大大張可以整個人窩進去的單座位 armchair -

或者可以風情萬種地斜躺著的 chaise longue -

可是要放在客廳裡嘛， 終究是第一張正路。

reading jane

前陣子 F 提起 Bride and Prejudice, 我記得家裡好像有影碟, 找了出來, 借她之前重溫了一次. 看完後意猶未盡, 又把珍姐的原著拿出來咀嚼, 最後還看了 BBC 的 mini-series 和去年 Anne Hathaway 和 James McAvoy 主映的電影 Becoming Jane.

Bride and Prejudice 是 Bollywood, 把場景搬到現代的印度與美國, 令人想起 Baz Luhrmann 96 年的 Romeo + Juliet. 

BBC 1995 年拍的六集 mini-series 忠於原著, 盡得珍姐精粹. Jennifer Ehle 完全演活了 Elizabeth Bennet.  

Becoming Jane 其實是後人穿鑿附會, 但不失為一個美麗的故事, 改編得令人可喜, 珍姐粉絲怎可錯過?

至於原著, 令人印象最深刻的是 Elizabeth Bennet 的伶牙俐齒. 她與 Lady Catherine 舌戰一段令人拍案叫絕. 原文雖長, 仍忍不住節錄如下:

(簡單來說, Lady Catherine 一心要 Darcy 娶她的女兒, 所以一聽說 Darcy 有意向 Elizabeth 求婚就逼她退出, 但, 嗨嗨, Elizabeth 豈是善男信女.)

As soon as they entered the copse, Lady Catherine began in the following manner: -

"You can be at no loss, Miss Bennet, to understand the reason of my journey hither. Your own heart, your own conscience, must tell you why I come."

Elizabeth looked with unaffected astonishment.

"Indeed, you are mistaken, Madam. I have not been at all able to account for the honour of seeing you here."

"Miss Bennet," replied her ladyship, in an angry tone, "you ought to know, that I am not to be trifled with. But however insincere you may choose to be, you shall not find me so. My character has ever been celebrated for its sincerity and frankness, and in a cause of such moment as this, I shall certainly not depart from it. A report of a most alarming nature reached me two days ago. I was told that not only your sister was on the point of being most advantageously married, but that you, that Miss Elizabeth Bennet, would, in all likelihood, be soon afterwards united to my nephew, my own nephew, Mr. Darcy. Though I know it must be a scandalous falsehood, though I would not injure him so much as to suppose the truth of it possible, I instantly resolved on setting off for this place, that I might make my sentiments known to you."

"If you believed it impossible to be true," said Elizabeth, colouring with astonishment and disdain, "I wonder you took the trouble of coming so far. What could your ladyship propose by it?"

"At once to insist upon having such a report universally contradicted."

"Your coming to Longbourn, to see me and my family," said Elizabeth coolly, "will be rather a confirmation of it; if, indeed, such a report is in existence."

"If! Do you then pretend to be ignorant of it? Has it not been industriously circulated by yourselves? Do you not know that such a report is spread abroad?"

"I never heard that it was."

"And can you likewise declare, that there is no foundation for it?"

"I do not pretend to possess equal frankness with your ladyship. You may ask questions which I shall not choose to answer."

"This is not to be borne. Miss Bennet, I insist on being satisfied. Has he, has my nephew, made you an offer of marriage?"

"Your ladyship has declared it to be impossible."

"It ought to be so; it must be so, while he retains the use of his reason. But your arts and allurements may, in a moment of infatuation, have made him forget what he owes to himself and to all his family. You may have drawn him in."

"If I have, I shall be the last person to confess it."

"Miss Bennet, do you know who I am? I have not been accustomed to such language as this. I am almost the nearest relation he has in the world, and am entitled to know all his dearest concerns."

"But you are not entitled to know mine; nor will such behaviour as this, ever induce me to be explicit."

"Let me be rightly understood. This match, to which you have the presumption to aspire, can never take place. No, never. Mr. Darcy is engaged to my daughter. Now what have you to say?"

"Only this; that if he is so, you can have no reason to suppose he will make an offer to me."

Lady Catherine hesitated for a moment, and then replied,

"The engagement between them is of a peculiar kind. From their infancy, they have been intended for each other. It was the favourite wish of his mother, as well as of her's. While in their cradles, we planned the union: and now, at the moment when the wishes of both sisters would be accomplished in their marriage, to be prevented by a young woman of inferior birth, of no importance in the world, and wholly unallied to the family! Do you pay no regard to the wishes of his friends? To his tacit engagement with Miss De Bourgh? Are you lost to every feeling of propriety and delicacy? Have you not heard me say that from his earliest hours he was destined for his cousin?"
"Yes, and I had heard it before. But what is that to me? If there is no other objection to my marrying your nephew, I shall certainly not be kept from it by knowing that his mother and aunt wished him to marry Miss De Bourgh. You both did as much as you could in planning the marriage. Its completion depended on others. If Mr. Darcy is neither by honour nor inclination confined to his cousin, why is not he to make another choice? And if I am that choice, why may not I accept him?"
"Because honour, decorum, prudence, nay, interest, forbid it. Yes, Miss Bennet, interest; for do not expect to be noticed by his family or friends, if you wilfully act against the inclinations of all. You will be censured, slighted, and despised, by every one connected with him. Your alliance will be a disgrace; your name will never even be mentioned by any of us."

"These are heavy misfortunes," replied Elizabeth. "But the wife of Mr. Darcy must have such extraordinary sources of happiness necessarily attached to her situation, that she could, upon the whole, have no cause to repine."

"Obstinate, headstrong girl! I am ashamed of you! Is this your gratitude for my attentions to you last spring? Is nothing due to me on that score? Let us sit down. You are to understand, Miss Bennet, that I came here with the determined resolution of carrying my purpose; nor will I be dissuaded from it. I have not been used to submit to any person's whims. I have not been in the habit of brooking disappointment."

"That will make your ladyship's situation at present more pitiable; but it will have no effect on me."

"I will not be interrupted. Hear me in silence. My daughter and my nephew are formed for each other. They are descended, on the maternal side, from the same noble line; and, on the father's, from respectable, honourable, and ancient -- though untitled -- families. Their fortune on both sides is splendid. They are destined for each other by the voice of every member of their respective houses; and what is to divide them? The upstart pretensions of a young woman without family, connections, or fortune. Is this to be endured! But it must not, shall not be. If you were sensible of your own good, you would not wish to quit the sphere in which you have been brought up."

"In marrying your nephew, I should not consider myself as quitting that sphere. He is a gentleman; I am a gentleman's daughter; so far we are equal."

"True. You are a gentleman's daughter. But who was your mother? Who are your uncles and aunts? Do not imagine me ignorant of their condition."

"Whatever my connections may be," said Elizabeth, "if your nephew does not object to them, they can be nothing to you."

"Tell me once for all, are you engaged to him?"

Though Elizabeth would not, for the mere purpose of obliging Lady Catherine, have answered this question, she could not but say, after a moment's deliberation,

"I am not."

Lady Catherine seemed pleased.

"And will you promise me, never to enter into such an engagement?"

"I will make no promise of the kind."

"Miss Bennet I am shocked and astonished. I expected to find a more reasonable young woman. But do not deceive yourself into a belief that I will ever recede. I shall not go away till you have given me the assurance I require."

"And I certainly never shall give it. I am not to be intimidated into anything so wholly unreasonable. Your ladyship wants Mr. Darcy to marry your daughter; but would my giving you the wished-for promise make their marriage at all more probable? Supposing him to be attached to me, would my refusing to accept his hand make him wish to bestow it on his cousin? Allow me to say, Lady Catherine, that the arguments with which you have supported this extraordinary application have been as frivolous as the application was ill-judged. You have widely mistaken my character, if you think I can be worked on by such persuasions as these. How far your nephew might approve of your interference in his affairs, I cannot tell; but you have certainly no right to concern yourself in mine. I must beg, therefore, to be importuned no farther on the subject."

"Not so hasty, if you please. I have by no means done. To all the objections I have already urged, I have still another to add. I am no stranger to the particulars of your youngest sister's infamous elopement. I know it all; that the young man's marrying her was a patched-up business, at the expence of your father and uncles. And is such a girl to be my nephew's sister? Is her husband, is the son of his late father's steward, to be his brother? Heaven and earth! -- of what are you thinking? Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted?"

"You can now have nothing farther to say," she resentfully answered. "You have insulted me in every possible method. I must beg to return to the house."

And she rose as she spoke. Lady Catherine rose also, and they turned back. Her ladyship was highly incensed.

"You have no regard, then, for the honour and credit of my nephew! Unfeeling, selfish girl! Do you not consider that a connection with you must disgrace him in the eyes of everybody?"

"Lady Catherine, I have nothing farther to say. You know my sentiments."

"You are then resolved to have him?"

"I have said no such thing. I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me."

"It is well. You refuse, then, to oblige me. You refuse to obey the claims of duty, honour, and gratitude. You are determined to ruin him in the opinion of all his friends, and make him the contempt of the world."

"Neither duty, nor honour, nor gratitude," replied Elizabeth, "have any possible claim on me, in the present instance. No principle of either would be violated by my marriage with Mr. Darcy. And with regard to the resentment of his family, or the indignation of the world, if the former were excited by his marrying me, it would not give me one moment's concern -- and the world in general would have too much sense to join in the scorn."

p.388-394, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, Penguin, 2006

excerpt

"...There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense..."

"My dear Lizzy, do not give way to such feelings as these. They will ruin your happiness..."

P.153, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, Penguin, 2006

11. 9. 08

(可怕的) 詹瑞文又來了。
天知道我是多麼的害怕他。
不幸地，我曾經看過一場《萬世歌王》，一場《男人之苦》。
那兩場節目的票是同時買的，要不然，絕不可能看第二場。
我知道他扮鬼扮馬無人能及，但有沒有人可以告訴我，他到底想帶出甚麼訊息？
他越是樂在其中，我看得越難受。
天啊！可不可以不要再讓我不小心在街上或月台上看見那張海報？

angelic voice

六七歲小小人兒，合該在唱 twinkle twinkle little star，她卻以天真稚嫩的歌聲唱出她不可能理解的成熟與世故，無奈與蒼涼。

I Will Always Love You


小女孩，但願你永遠不會懂 smile, though your heart is aching 是怎麼一回事。

Smile

a long day

工作至今天凌晨 3 點半，離開時大部份工作人員仍然留守票站。
儘管這個選區應該不會有甚麼出人意表的結果或爭議，但原則上，一旦選舉結果未確定，都不可以排除有候選人要求重新點票的可能，所以大家都在巴巴的呆等。
大家一整天下來都挺累了，如果在忙碌地工作還好，最難忍受的是沒有事做，可是又明知不得不等，而且不知道要等到甚麼時候。
回家後洗把臉，開電視看最新選舉消息，九龍東尚有三個議席不知花落誰家。
昏迷了一整天，早中飯都不吃了，睡覺大過天，到黃昏還不大願意起來。

6.9.2008

感冒個多星期不癒，其實是自取其疚。
一直都不能（不肯）好好睡，看起書就停不下來，即使肉身迷迷糊糊睡了，元神仍然留連在書裡那個混沌的世界。
精神欠佳時其實不宜看 His Dark Materials 這樣耗神的書。
Book I The Golden Compass 還比較好，Book II The Subtle Knife 和 Book III The Amber Spyglass 裡有太多角色與支線，到了不知所謂的地步。